BGEA: What does it take to make a marriage last?

My wife and I have only been married a few years, and we love each other more than ever. But we read about people getting divorced after 20 or 30 years of marriage, and it worries us. What does it take to make a marriage last? — M.E.

I'm thankful you have a strong relationship now -- but I'm especially thankful you realize there could be dangers ahead, and you want to take steps to prevent them. A good marriage doesn't just happen; it takes work -- but it's worth it.

I could say much about building a strong marriage -- but I've sometimes summarized them in four simple points that might be easy to remember. Let me repeat them; each begins with the letter "C".

First, Cherish. God gave you to each other; you are God's gift to your spouse. Take time to express your love, both by your words and by little acts of thoughtfulness -- a surprise gift, a special time away, a favorite dinner. Cherish your wife, and let her know she is important to you.

Second, Communicate. Let each other know what's going on in your life at home or at work. Don't clam up; don't nag or only express yourself when you're upset. The Bible says, "A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver" (Proverbs 25:11).

Third, Compromise. The greatest enemy of love is our selfishness, but in marriage you can't always have your own way, so learn to compromise with grace. The Bible says, "Love does not demand its own way" (1 Corinthians 13:5, The Living Bible).

Finally, Christ. Make Christ the center of your lives and your marriage every day, by committing yourself to Him and His will. He is the solid foundation we need -- in our lives, and in our marriages.

37 Comments

Fee says 2.3.2013, 6:14 p.m.

I am single but looking forward to marriage. This article answered so many questions for me. My parents have been married over 37 yrs and grandparents over 77 years. Its good to combine their wisdom with your knowledge. I know there is hope for me.

love joy says 1.12.2013, 10:49 p.m.

thank u very much for the article.so inspiring and really opened up my eyes.God bless your net program

David says 1.10.2013, 3:26 p.m.

We celebrated our 50th anniversary last month. Before we said YES to one and another; we talked about being mature enough to reason things out when their might be a 'fight' and which ever one was at fault would own up to it and make good.

noel says 4.8.2012, 10:30 a.m.

thank u for this piece of tools which can help many couples to stand firm.as i am heading for a divorce,i can see where i messed up in life.to those who are not yet married,i would advice they should pray and wait from GOD for a wife or husband.

Alice says 2.6.2012, 6:14 p.m.

I am a product of a divorce as a child. It was so painful I decided no matter what I would make it work. Things do happen but at 55 years together God has made the difference. Our 4 kids tell us how thankful they are that we stuck it out.

Sharon says 2.6.2012, 3:51 p.m.

When you get married, we sometimes take our spouse as gods, only God is God, we are human and we make mistakes. See each other as you would like the other to see you. Trust God and let him solve your problems, put him first. Married at 20, now 42.

Innocent says 2.3.2012, 09:48 a.m.

Thanks for this brief but wonderful piece.

Mia says 1.31.2012, 10:37 a.m.

CATHY-be prayerful and ask God for guidance. Be honest with yourself about what you can and can not accept. Talk about your feelings and get things out in the open. If you can forgive, its in the past. You may need counseling to move past it.

Charles says 1.31.2012, 08:39 a.m.

This is great. The wise says it is better to be carried across on the shoulder of experienced ones than to learn by personal experience which might be devastating. Thanks

Carolina says 1.30.2012, 08:52 a.m.

It's good to hear compromise in this context. The world says that compromise means a 50/50 partner existence. Keep a check list and give in only if the other gives in. Love does not demand its own way is salve on marriages from God's perspective.

Suzanne says 1.29.2012, 7:45 p.m.

My husband and I have both been married before, this time Jesus lives in our home, though we struggle at times. I plan to put this sound Biblical advise into practice

Joy says 1.28.2012, 10:11 p.m.

Married 23 years to my High school sweetheart. Going thru a really stormy time righ now. Thank you for the encouragement.

Larry says 1.28.2012, 12:01 a.m.

My wife and I have been married 29 years, yes, good times and bad. Experience has taught me that the better the marriage, the harder the enemy works to break it! Keep satan out of your marriage, keep God as your center of everything!

Sam. says 1.28.2012, 10:22 a.m.

Those four simple points starting with letter 'C' are wonderful and will sustain good marriage and at same time restore shaky or troubled marriage if applied. For with God all things are possible. Remain blessed.

Nellie says 1.28.2012, 10:08 a.m.

Married twenty years and can see how these 4 principles might have helped during some stormy years. I hope to see twenty more years of marriage and will use this to help guide the future.

Sandy says 1.28.2012, 07:05 a.m.

My husband and I have been married 33 years.He's had sexual problems all his life,we are in counseling again w/a Christian doctor. I pray for our lives to be open so someone else will learn and come to Jesus too.Sexual problems need the blood of Jesus

Loren says 1.28.2012, 06:45 a.m.

As we approach our 30th, I know that marriage is a gift from God, something He bestows on every married couple. It is part of His plan, He provides the guidance and the support necessary to make it work. Go to Him for help, for encouragement.

marmin says 1.28.2012, 01:56 a.m.

when we committed our marriage to Christ ,we/re able to experience a lot of changes such as forgiveness, trust, praying together. Praise Jesus.

Ray says 1.27.2012, 10:20 p.m.

"Truth is the Glue that makes a Marriage Stick Together when you both Practice it." -- A Proverb of The Peacock

Patti says 1.27.2012, 8:42 p.m.

Thank you for these four "C"'s to remember daily! Prayer time at our Church includes all families, law enforcement, troops, clergy, etc. to give emphasis on keeping our families strong! Married 35 yrs, high school sweethearts! Glory to God!

Brenda says 1.27.2012, 7:05 p.m.

Really need prayers. OUR marriage was pretty much perfect before but since the loss of my son things are not the same. I can't seem to get over the loss and he doesn't seem to understand.

Ben says 1.27.2012, 6:08 p.m.

What do you do when your spouse put the children first in the relationship? What do you do when one spouse look to the Lord for direction in the marriage and the other dose not?

Wally says 1.27.2012, 5:27 p.m.

52 Beautiful years and if God would not have needed her so badly in Heaven it would be 59years soon. We must put our trust in him. I'll Love you forever, Sweetheart.

rob says 1.27.2012, 4:49 p.m.

Cathy, Love your husband for who he is. If he's got weaknesses still love him and see how God can make you stronger through those weaknesses. To love someone, in spite of weaknesses or mistakes is one of life's greatest gifts. forgive every day

Robert says 1.27.2012, 3:53 p.m.

My marriage lasted almost 59 years until my wife died. The four things you listed were definitely the key to our marriage lasting a lifetime. I Remember when your engagement was announced at Wheaton College.

Janet says 1.27.2012, 3:34 p.m.

We've been married 42 1/2 years - high school sweethearts. Only by God's forgiving grace did we weather a bad time but now what keeps us talking is praying together every morning and that includes confession of our sins to each other.

Carol says 1.27.2012, 3:17 p.m.

We have been married for over 40 years, and I love every minute of it. Sure, we have had problems and difficulties along the way, but we always me them head on--together. I can't think of one single thing that we met individually.

Steve Ottawa Ontario Canada says 1.27.2012, 2:31 p.m.

It is said that the person you marry determines 90 of your happiness or 90 of your misery. Choose a woman of God and you will be rewarded on so many levels.

debra says 8.8.2011, 1:32 p.m.

Makes good common sense, treat your partner the way you want to be treated. Selfish hearts have no freedom, without freedom we have no capacity to give.

Dee says 7.25.2011, 09:41 a.m.

I was 20 yrs old when I married. Now, I am 64 yrs old and still married to my husband. There have been lots of ups and downs during our 43 yrs together (financial issues, health issues, family issues) but GOD has been the third party in our relationship and it is because of HIM that has made our marriage stronger. Today, young folks think of marriage as something they can throw away like trash (divorce) when they have their first argument, or they do something outside of their marriage vows in dishonor of their spouse and GOD because they do not think of marriage as sacred. Society is mocking marriage with allowing same sex marriages. We need to pray that future generation will restore GOD into their hearts and read the Bible for GOD's guidance for what a marriage is and how to make marriage work. Marriage is not easy but the blessings of it are so well worth it!

Cathy says 7.25.2011, 03:38 a.m.

When I married my husband in 1984, I had a lot of faith that our marriage would last forever. I never even thought or considered the idea that we would have any trouble. Now , 27 years later, we are having a lot of marital squabbles. I didn't even used to angry at him and we never argued. I found out a lot about his real past lately and we have begun to have a lot of trouble. I don't know even know what happened except that I found out about his past.

Cindy says 7.21.2010, 11:09 a.m.

THANK YOU!!!

sarah says 7.7.2010, 03:11 a.m.

That is so true!

Steven says 7.3.2010, 06:07 a.m.

IN ORDER TO MAKE ONE'S MARRIAGE WORK, YOU MUST ALWAYS ADOPT A GIVE AND TAKE ATTITUDE. DO NOT BE SELFISH. TRY TO DO THINGS TOGETHER AND LEARN FROM EACH OTHER'S MISTAKES. DO NOT KEEP PROBLEMS IN YOUR HEART. SHARE IT WITH YOUR SPOUSE AND TRY TO ADDRESS ALL PROBLEMS NO MATTER HOW BIG IT IS IN A TACTFUL MANNER WITHOUT HURTING EACH OTHER'S FEELINGS. TO ERR IS HUMAN.

Connie says 7.1.2010, 12:23 a.m.

Married 33 years and growing closer every day.

Dennis says 7.1.2010, 09:27 a.m.

I've been married 37 years and truer words were never spoken......

kiran says 7.1.2010, 08:03 a.m.

great