BGEA: Why is it so hard for some people to apologize after they've done something wrong?

Why is it so hard for some people to apologize after they've done something wrong? My uncle will bend over backwards to be nice to people that he knows he's hurt, but things would be so much better if he'd just say he's sorry and ask them to forgive him. — J.F.

One reason your uncle finds it hard to apologize could be embarrassment; it's just easier for him to pretend nothing happened than to face the embarrassment of admitting he was wrong. You've probably done the same thing yourself at some time; most of us have.

But a deeper reason is pride. Pride blinds us to our sins (or at least it makes us downplay its seriousness). Pride also makes us unwilling to admit to others that we were wrong. Perhaps we're afraid they'll look down on us if we do admit it; we may even hope that somehow they will overlook it.

But others see through our pride, and (as you suggest) things would be far better if we admitted our faults and asked for forgiveness from those we have hurt. Otherwise our pride will only hurt us and cause conflict with others. The Bible warns, "The eyes of the arrogant man will be humbled and the pride of men brought low" (Isaiah 2:11).

Pray for your uncle—not only that he'll learn how to apologize and ask for forgiveness from others, but that he'll face his need for God's forgiveness and open his heart to Christ. We have offended God even more than we have offended others—but God still loves us, and Christ came to forgive us. Have you turned to Him for the forgiveness and new life you need?

2 Comments

DJW says 9.22.2011, 9:27 p.m.

The bible says to love and honor your parents but it does not say that you need to spend time with them, nor are you responsible for their decisions. If you feel convicted pray for them and speak the truth in love.

KLO says 5.5.2011, 7:13 p.m.

I grew up in a household with a very controlling and angry mother. She would lash out at us unprovoked, and them blame us for her problems. She was mentally and verbally abusive. My father was there only when he had to be, and when Mother would start with the verbal abuse, he would leave at the first opportuninty. He would be gone for hours, leaving us there with her. She started fights and then my father said that I needed to go back to her and that I was the one that needed to apologize. I got away from the situation, and was born-again. I tried to reconnect with them, but it was the same situation as before. My father told me that I needed to apologize and keep returning to her. I have changed, and in my opinion, they have not. The last conversation that I had with my father, he said there was nothing wrong with my mother and that everything was my fault. I told them I could no longer have a relationship with them, as negative as things were, and that I was better without them in my life. I have not spoken to them since. They are not saved, and she is a follower of the New Age movement. Even though I have not spoken to them in years, I worry constantly for them. I pray for them, but I worry, the way that the world is, I do not want them to die unsaved. The Bible says that I need to honor my mother and my father, how am I supposed to do this? And as they are not saved, How can they be reached?