BGEA: My husband is blaming me for his year-long affair. Where do I go from here? I feel like dirt.

I'm so confused I can hardly put my thoughts on paper. My husband finally admitted he'd been seeing another woman for the last year or so, but he says it's all my fault because I'm not a good wife. I can't imagine what I've done to hurt him. Where do I go from here? He says our marriage is over. Is it? I feel like worthless dirt. — Mrs. L.D.

The most important truth you need to know is that God is even more concerned about your situation than you are—and the reason is because He loves you. May you turn to Christ and discover His love and strength during this very hard time.

However, you shouldn't take upon yourself all the blame for what's happened. Your husband is trying to put it all on you—but he alone is responsible for his actions, and what he has done is wrong in the eyes of God. One of the Ten Commandments states, "You shall not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14). Could anything be clearer?

Listen: In God's eyes, you aren't dirt, and you aren't worthless. If you were, would He have sent His only Son into the world to die for you? Would He want you to be with Him in heaven forever? Your feelings are understandable—but they also are wrong. Others may betray us but God never will, because He loves us far more than we can ever imagine. God's promise is for you: "I have loved you with an everlasting love" (Jeremiah 31:3).

Only God knows the future, and only He knows whether or not your husband will come to his senses and repent of what he's doing. But pray for him in spite of the hurt he's caused you, for only God can change his heart and open his eyes to the truth.

2 Comments

sissy says 12.8.2011, 09:05 a.m.

My husband cheated and tells my children I was mean to him that is why he will not come home. He takes no responsibility for his actions-he only blames me. I pray but things get worse. It's like we are being punished for what he did.

Joyce says 10.16.2011, 07:39 a.m.

My heart breaks for this woman. It takes two people to make or break a marriage. The decision to go outside of the marriage was one person's decision - I am sure if you were asked you would not have agreed?! However, I pray that you find a way to help yourself. Doesn't it all start with ourselves. My husband cheated also and I haven't found my way through it all the way and do not know where we'll end up but I just keep seeking the Lord and asking for his Help. I trust He will guide and help us both. God Bless you.