BGEA: How long does it take to get over the death of a loved one?

How long, in your experience, does it take to get over the death of a loved one? My wife died six months ago, and I can't even attend our church because I get so emotional. Will I ever get over her death? — K.S.

The memory of your wife will always be with you—but yes, in time your pain over her death will fade. It won't happen all at once, but little by little comfort will come—with God's help.

Few experiences in life are as painful as the loss of a loved one—especially a spouse who has been by our side for most of our life. Grief is real, and you shouldn't feel guilty because you grieve; after all, Jesus wept at the tomb of His friend Lazarus (see John 11:1-44). But when we know Christ, we know there is life beyond the grave, and some day we will be reunited with those who have entered heaven before us. Don't lose sight of the hope we have in Christ.

What can you do? First, don't bear your burden alone. You probably know others who are going through the same experience; why not help and encourage each other? Many churches today also have special groups for those who are grieving, and if your church doesn't have one, perhaps you can help start one. The Bible says, "Carry each other's burdens" (Galatians 6:2).

In addition, ask God to use you to help others in need—through your church, through volunteering in your community, or in some other way. Not only will you be an encouragement to them, but it will help you turn from your own problems and concentrate on the needs of others.

11 Comments

roy says 4.20.2013, 00:56 a.m.

I just lost my wife, we were married 55 years pray for me I do not want to live without her, what can I do?

Charlotte says 3.30.2013, 04:06 a.m.

My ex-husband passed away a month ago at the age of 55 from a heart attack. Our 17 year old son found him. It has been overwhelming grief and sadness. Tim was a great guy and loved his 4 sons,PLEASE PRAY for us.

Brian says 1.22.2013, 2:39 p.m.

I lost my girl friend about 2 years ago. It put me into a mid life crisis. Still going through it. I think its case by case basis on people the length of grieving. It has made me listen to the holy spirit a lot more which has been the only positive

Dawn says 9.2.2012, 07:28 a.m.

Although my husband were at odds with each other the last year we were together, we loved each other intensely. After a heart attack he suffered a massive stroke that a week later took his life. I miss him so much, this will take much time <3 forever

Karen says 1.19.2012, 12:23 a.m.

People sometimes mistake that God took their loved one when in fact it was human error. I do believe that if that person was a Christian at the time of their death that God took them home; but he wasn't the cause of the accident. God is a loving God.

Karen says 11.18.2011, 10:15 a.m.

My son, Joshua, was killed in a auto accident 9/12/11; The pain is unbearable. I ask why? Why take someone so young, he had his whole life ahead of him. I still question why, but I do feel that Jesus took him at the time of the accident. Just by the peaceful smile he had on his face.

Lynda says 6.5.2011, 10:51 a.m.

My husband of 33 years went to the hospital with what we thought was a bad case of the flu. His body was actually in septic shock. Seven months later (55 y.o) he passed away. I did get to spend his last hours by his side. He suffered so much, he was ready to go. Seven weeks later, my father (89 y/o) passed away after suffering with mini-strokes. 3 1/2 months later we know that our mom (90 y/o) only has about a week left on this Earth. I know that they all served the Lord with all their hearts and I have no doubt that I will see them again in Heaven. Two beautiful flowers have been plucked from my garden and His Hands are about to pluck another. God is my strength. My brothers and I are our main support. Friends and family have been WONDERFUL.

Mary says 1.21.2011, 8:27 p.m.

Oct. 8th, my best friend, father of our 4 boys, husband of 40 and a half years died. He bravely fought a disease diagnosed in '93 and left me, our family and friends with a loss of 'him' that is so hard to deal with. I know there is hope for tomorrow and I also trust God to help us all that miss Danny so. I've trusted him through the loss of our third son and many of our family members. I can also recommend this trust to others who are mourning; to thank God for bright moments and even the dark ones, because He will see you through it, if you ask Him too.

LL says 10.15.2010, 12:23 a.m.

My doctor told me--in the midst of deep sadness of my Mother's death--that grief is temporary and to think of it that way so that I can be open to healing. I think from the Bible that God doesn't want us to grieve everyday of our lives. I am praying that this sick feeling of grief will leave me and develop into a way to live life with those I love here on earth and to be blessed to see my loved ones in Heaven in one of our tomorrows.

Robert Miller says 8.22.2010, 9:18 p.m.

I know God is taking care of me, I know his Word is Love, and I know him. I'm struggling and need your prayers. In 2004 I left for Iraq and left my family for 18 months. At that time that was the hardest thing I had to face in my life. I made it home back safely and returned to my wife and 3 children. In Jul 2008 I had surgery to remove a mass on my bladder. A Biopsy was conducted, I was diagnosed with stage IV Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I completed a round of chemo and went into remission. Jan 2010 the cancer had returned. Under went heavier doses of chemo for preparation for a Stem Cell Transplant. The Transplant was conducted on 17 May 2010. As of that date everything is going well. On July 24 we left for Myrtle Beach for a well deserved vacation. Having a blast with my family. On July 28 my wife passed out in the condo bathroom, I got her to come to, I then called the ambulance, will during transport she passed away. She never made it to the hospital. I was holding my wife in my arms and 15 mins later she was gone. We had been married for 21 years. It will be one month since her passing on 28 Aug. I tell people I see We are not promised tomorrow, yet we are not promised the next breath. I miss her so much, she was a great chistian lady, mother, wife, best friend, and caregiver. I really need the christians to pray for me and my family during this time. I will be going back to Vanderbilt Hospital on the 30th of this month for scans to see how the transplant went.

Sherry says 8.9.2010, 7:20 p.m.

I lost my dad to Alzheimer's 3 years ago. I had prayed that God would not let him suffer with that horrible disease for a long time. I felt like he answered my prayer when he took him home to be with him. I cried for a long time when I lost him, but I knew he was better off in heaven. I still have days that my heart hurts for him. I cry sometime too. I keep praying for that hurt to go away, but it sure takes awhile. Please pray for me that I can learn how to deal with his death. He was 80, but I hated seeing a once active man lose speech, driving ability, and the ability to want to do anything at all. In the last stages he lost control of his bodily functions. This was a very proud and hard working man whom I loved. I know one day I will be reunited with him, but it is still so hard. I was lucky to be right there with him when he passed from this world to the best place. My sister and I set up for two nights and days with him before he finally gave up. We were able to sit there with our Mom and hold his hand until he drew his last breath. It was a peaceful last breath that he took and his family was right there with him.