BGEA: My marriage is in shambles since my spouse cheated on me. How do I deal with this?

My marriage is in shambles since my spouse cheated on me. How do I deal with this?

We are sorry to learn of this heartbreaking situation. When there is unfaithfulness in a marriage, the one who has been hurt has several options. One option is to be bitter—trying to hurt the offending partner in the hope that it will produce guilt and a willingness to change. There is another way which may be infinitely harder, but we believe it is better. In times such as these, God always invites us to commit ourselves and the situation completely to Him.

Allow your present circumstances to be an opportunity for you to deepen your faith and to depend completely on the Lord. If you have never accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, we urge you to make this commitment today by turning from sin, trusting Christ to forgive you, and inviting Jesus to direct your life.

When you have committed your heart and your life into the safety of God's keeping, then you will be able to respond in love in this situation. This kind of love is based on 1 Corinthians, chapter 13. Please pause and read this chapter now.

Even though you know a great wrong has been done, consider how God has loved us even when we were sinners, unrepentant and hateful (Romans 5:8). Pattern your love after His; see John 13:35 and 1 John 4:7. Also read the responsibilities of husbands and wives given in 1 Peter 3:1-12 and Ephesians 5:21-33.

We suggest that you consult with a pastor or Christian marriage counselor in your area for ongoing guidance. For referrals to individual Christian counselors in your area, contact Focus on the Family, 8605 Explorer Drive, Colorado Springs, Colorado 80995; telephone: (800) 232-6459.

God can heal your broken heart and restore your marriage. While you cannot make your spouse change, with God’s help, we believe you may in time be able to enjoy the rich blessings of a loving, healthy relationship. Pray for the restoration and growth of deep love within your marriage, and for your spouse who has caused you such deep hurt.

Remember, being loving and forgiving does not mean that you simply endure the act of unfaithfulness. Adultery has consequences for all parties involved that cannot easily be resolved. As a means of bringing your spouse to repentance and restoring your marriage, you may want to consider some of the principles expressed in Dr. James Dobson's book "Love Must Be Tough." We would also suggest "Love Is a Decision" by Gary Smalley and John Trent. These books are available at most Christian bookstores.

May God's peace be with you (Philippians 4:6).

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8 Comments

Star says 4.2.2013, 03:33 a.m.

I'm newly married and just found out my husband of 2months has been cheating. I love him so much. This pain I feel now is so painful. He got mad at me for snooping in his phone. I just know I love him..but I can't even look at him.

Laurie says 8.13.2012, 6:11 p.m.

Christians must take marriage more seriously. The pain of adultery is the most incredible pain I have felt. I feel so lost and alone and I can't trust anyone. I am so grieved to see my children suffering. How can anyone think it is okay?

Dondi says 6.26.2012, 1:14 p.m.

I don't believe in divorce--my husband committed adultery and continues to.All the lies all the pain caused to my boys and I. Without God I don't know how we would have made it. My boys and I wear bracelets that have Phill:4:13

david says 6.24.2012, 08:38 a.m.

I cheated on my wife about 1 1/2 years ago I have a hard time forgiving myself but I just learned a year later she too cheated after I caused her pain with a Guy I know we have 2 wonderfull kids and I want to get God involved to fix our marriage

Jan says 11.17.2011, 07:59 a.m.

My husband has been cheating on me for over a year and lying about it. I finally found out and I approached him about it. He admitted he had been seeing a married woman and they had gone to places that hurt me.

JO says 8.4.2011, 4:37 p.m.

I committed adultery many times throughout my marriage. I now believe that it was 'attention seeking' behaviour. The marriage ended for a short while....Somehow, with no human intervention, we started to love each other again. I believe that God healed the marriage and taught me to change, and my husband to forgive me. No-body could naturally forgive so much betrayal. There is always hope, for any marriage problem. Ask the LORD to give you the strength to press on and don't give up. It may be a struggle, but, with Jesus, you can get through it. God bless

Louis says 2.9.2011, 02:55 a.m.

I beg you Lord to restore my marriage, my wife has cheated on me too and she can't wait to get a job so she can leave me for another married man. My 13 year old doesn't know what is happening. I beg you Lord to help only if this is your will for us to be together.. If not then Lord please help me to move forward with my life with you....

Jeff says 9.29.2010, 2:40 p.m.

Please pray for my wife and for my family we have 5 kids it's really hard on them right now also.