Having a Marriage Without Regrets
A Conversation with Kay Arthur
February 7, 2013 - Kay Arthur, an international Bible teacher, award-winning author and frequent Cove speaker, has a lot to say about today’s marriage based on Biblical truth. Read below as she explains why she is passionate about marriages done God’s way.
Interview by Joy Allmond
BGEA: A long time ago, you wrote a book called A Marriage Without Regrets. What inspired you to write that book?
Arthur: I realized that people did not know what God’s Word had to say about marriage, communication, sex, and our relationship with God. He laid it on my heart to write a book on it. So, I wrote it, and God has blessed it incredibly. I think the reason He has is because it’s based on his Word, which never alters with the culture. It shows you how to live in the world according to God’s precepts, rather than to the pressures of the culture.
We also have an inductive Bible study course that goes along with this book. God has used it so mightily. I wrote it for singles and for married people. God used this study to stop people from getting married. And, He used it to stop couples in the divorce process. God even used it to make some people very content in their singleness. There was even one for teens, which turned out to be very successful.
BGEA: Do you draw experience from your first marriage when ministering to people about marriage?
Arthur: In my first marriage, I did not know the Lord. If I had known Him, and the precepts of His Word, I never would have divorced my first husband. I would have known how to live through the situation. It shaped how the book begins – with the fact that the most important relationship in a marriage without regrets is a relationship with the Lord.
BGEA: How is Biblical literacy crucial to a successful marriage?
Arthur: Biblical literacy is imperative. When I talk about a “marriage with no regrets,” I’m not talking about a marriage that is everything you dreamed it would be. I’m talking about the end of your life when you stand before God. Who wants to regrets the way they lived as a husband or a wife?
The very foundation has to be your relationship with the Lord. I’m talking about an intimate relationship that is growing because of your knowledge of Him. Once you are equipped with His Word, you will be able to resolve questions about your marriage within your heart. Questions like: what if my husband is abusing me? What if he wants a divorce? If he does divorce me, am I allowed to be remarried in the eyes of God?
If questions like these are not resolved in your heart, you are going to be tossed around. You will feel insecure and unstable. It’s going to affect your marriage. Guilt and a lack of confidence affect your marriage. It affects you In turn, it affects the way you respond. This is one reason why there are so many divorces.
The statistics at one time told us that 50% of Christian marriages end in divorce. This church is not immune to this, but it should be. If people knew the Word, it would make a huge difference in the way they lived.
BGEA: You had two sons when you married Jack. There are so many people who are in blended family situations. What advice do you have for these blended families?
Arthur: In blended families, there is tension. The children, being sinners just like the rest of us, will often try to put a wedge between husband and wife. The minute they start to manipulate, your marriage is in trouble. My advice would be to keep your marriage close – it will bring the children greater security.